Valentine’s Gift Guide (of Sorts) 2016

There was no Valentine’s gift guide last year – there were biscuits, instead. Because, as I said last year, I like Valentine’s, once my front door has shut behind me, the fire is  lit, the Chinese takeaway is plated up and the chocolate and wine is in the fridge. I’ve had a routine, since I went to uni. Valentine’s = solitude + self care + treating yourself.

So these gifts aren’t intended for your partner, although many of them would undoubtedly be welcome. These are my fourteen suggestions, in various price brackets, for what you should buy yourself…

1. Dairy Milk Spring Edition, £0.50, Iceland0002665_470-Dairy-Milk-Spring-Edition-bar

Fancy chocolate is, y’know, fine, but this, really, is all you need. Plus, who knew it was only 50p for 100g at Iceland?

2. Salt made from tears of anger, £7.50, Hoxton Street Monster Supplies

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For the angry singletons out there (yes, ok, for me…), salt made from tears of anger is smoked salt, which, according to my research, goes well with roasted veg, nuts, houmous or pork chops.

3. Deer antler necklace, £12.82, Etsy

deer antlers

I have a bit of a thing for wild animals on jewellery, and deers are beautiful, and spring-like, and available in three finishes for a remarkably bargainous price…

4. Scented hyacinths bouquet, £30, Waitrose

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This is the traditional option, but there’s nothing wrong with buying your own flowers on Valentine’s (or having them delivered).

5. Wonder woman Jolly Ginger, £9.95, Biscuiteers

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One I might be more likely to buy for a friend than for myself, given the speed at which I can consume gingerbread, this is super cute nonetheless.

6. How to be a heroine, £9.98, Amazon

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I’m reading this at the moment, and it is just so good. A timely reminder that you don’t need a prince in shining armour to be a heroine. Plus, the cover is stunning.

7. Loud, £3.99, Amazon

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Is my taste in music five years out of date? Yes. Is this a great album in spite of that? Hell yes. I bought it primarily for the gorgeous piano version of Love the way you lie, but the rest of the album is upbeat and perfect for singing along.

8. Fuck nest bunting, £50, www.cunting.bigcartel.com

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Self-explanatory, really. But definitely a talking point for the next time you get laid.

9. Champagne hat box, £45, Harvey Nichols, & Liberty print straws, £4, PapermashchampagneLiberty-Betsy-print-paper-straws_1024x1024

If you’re spending Valentine’s with friends, it’s probably not economical to drink mini bottles of champagne with a straw all night, but you could always keep topping the bottles up with cava once they’re done.

10. Superstar tights, £12, House of Holland for Pretty Polly

star tights

I haven’t worn these yet, but I have a star fetish and had to buy them when I saw them. The downside is the fact that they’re one size fits all. The upside? Er, stars, obviously.

11. Bonjour heart foil printed pouch purse, £12, Oliver Bonas

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All my cards and cash are loose in the pocket of my handbag, which is a disaster waiting to happen. A proper wallet is beyond me, but this? This, I might just use.

12. Laura Mercier almond coconut milk, honey bath, £33, Liberty

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One for fans of sweet scents, I’m not personally sure I love this, but it is creamy as fuck and the little honey dipper is *adorable*.


13. Ultimate Cowshed manicure, £55, Cowshedcheeky

Cowshed manicures are pricey. They’re also great – big leather armchairs, good colour selection, drinks … it’s my favourite place for a treat mani. Plus, with the Ultimate, you get a neck and shoulder massage too. Hell, yes…

14. Monogram crest journal, £22, Anthropologie

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Soon, I’m planning on starting a series of fortnightly posts showcasing my favourite blog posts, notebooks and bath oils (I know, specific, right?). Consider this a preview – these journals from Anthro are absolutely top of my to-buy list.

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5 a.m.

I honestly don’t mind being single. Not in the short-term, at least. It means that on nights like last night, when I go out with friends – one married, one single – I get to be the one saying ‘No, stay a bit longer! Have another cocktail!’ rather than the one who’s thinking that she didn’t mean for drinks that started at five to last for five hours and that, really, her husband will be expecting her home by now. I get to stumble through the door, a little bit drunk, and lie in bed like a starfish, because there’s no one to complain that I’m not on my side or that I have all the duvet. But when I woke up, an hour ago, in that confused way you often do – Do I have to get up for work in a couple of hours? No! Why am I awake: hot, thirsty, bad dream? – I wished there was someone here to fuck me. I still don’t love morning sex but the combination of factors – heavy rain on the skylights, room a little too hot, the beginnings of a hangover pulsing behind my temples – that ensured that I wasn’t just going to roll over and go straight back to sleep also made me really damn horny. I wanted to open the window to let the cool and the smell of the rain in. I wanted things I don’t usually want: someone to pull back the duvet, to kneel between my legs and to lick me lazily until I come. I wanted to straddle him, to let him slide inside me and to ride him until he came with a sleepy grunt. None of this would help, of course, technically. It wouldn’t make the room cooler, or stop the rhythmic beat of rain on the roof. But if I’m going to still be awake an hour later, I’d rather be naked and sweat-soaked, the inside of my thighs slicked with his come.

Introvert

My parents are planning to move house, so my mum has been sorting through all their old stuff. This has brought up a couple of things I want to blog about, the first of which is introversion.

In amongst her uni work, my mum found a note from my dad from when they first started dating. She’d gone to the bar to get drinks and he’d vanished and left a note on the table saying ‘Have gone to do some work. See you later x’

My mum told me about this because she found it funny: my dad was renowned for doing absolutely no work at uni, and was very nearly kicked out. He hadn’t excused himself because he planned to work at all, she thought, he’d excused himself because there were too many people in the bar, and it was making him anxious.

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