There was no Valentine’s gift guide last year – there were biscuits, instead. Because, as I said last year, I like Valentine’s, once my front door has shut behind me, the fire is  lit, the Chinese takeaway is plated up and the chocolate and wine is in the fridge. I’ve had a routine, since I went to uni. Valentine’s = solitude + self care + treating yourself.

So these gifts aren’t intended for your partner, although many of them would undoubtedly be welcome. These are my fourteen suggestions, in various price brackets, for what you should buy yourself…

1. Dairy Milk Spring Edition, £0.50, Iceland

Fancy chocolate is, y’know, fine, but this, really, is all you need. Plus, who knew it was only 50p for 100g at Iceland?

2. Salt made from tears of anger, £7.50, Hoxton Street Monster Supplies

For the angry singletons out there (yes, ok, for me…), salt made from tears of anger is smoked salt, which, according to my research, goes well with roasted veg, nuts, houmous or pork chops.

3. Deer antler necklace, £12.82, Etsy

I have a bit of a thing for wild animals on jewellery, and deers are beautiful, and spring-like, and available in three finishes for a remarkably bargainous price…

4. Scented hyacinths bouquet, £30, Waitrose

This is the traditional option, but there’s nothing wrong with buying your own flowers on Valentine’s (or having them delivered).

5. Wonder woman Jolly Ginger, £9.95, Biscuiteers

One I might be more likely to buy for a friend than for myself, given the speed at which I can consume gingerbread, this is super cute nonetheless.

6. How to be a heroine, £9.98, Amazon

I’m reading this at the moment, and it is just so good. A timely reminder that you don’t need a prince in shining armour to be a heroine. Plus, the cover is stunning.

7. Loud, £3.99, Amazon

Is my taste in music five years out of date? Yes. Is this a great album in spite of that? Hell yes. I bought it primarily for the gorgeous piano version of Love the way you lie, but the rest of the album is upbeat and perfect for singing along.

8. Fuck nest bunting, £50, www.cunting.bigcartel.com

Self-explanatory, really. But definitely a talking point for the next time you get laid.

9. Champagne hat box, £45, Harvey Nichols, & Liberty print straws, £4, Papermash

If you’re spending Valentine’s with friends, it’s probably not economical to drink mini bottles of champagne with a straw all night, but you could always keep topping the bottles up with cava once they’re done.

10. Superstar tights, £12, House of Holland for Pretty Polly

I haven’t worn these yet, but I have a star fetish and had to buy them when I saw them. The downside is the fact that they’re one size fits all. The upside? Er, stars, obviously.

11. Bonjour heart foil printed pouch purse, £12, Oliver Bonas

All my cards and cash are loose in the pocket of my handbag, which is a disaster waiting to happen. A proper wallet is beyond me, but this? This, I might just use.

12. Laura Mercier almond coconut milk, honey bath, £33, Liberty

One for fans of sweet scents, I’m not personally sure I love this, but it is creamy as fuck and the little honey dipper is *adorable*.

13. Ultimate Cowshed manicure, £55, Cowshed

Cowshed manicures are pricey. They’re also great – big leather armchairs, good colour selection, drinks … it’s my favourite place for a treat mani. Plus, with the Ultimate, you get a neck and shoulder massage too. Hell, yes…

14. Monogram crest journal, £22, Anthropologie

Soon, I’m planning on starting a series of fortnightly posts showcasing my favourite blog posts, notebooks and bath oils (I know, specific, right?). Consider this a preview – these journals from Anthro are absolutely top of my to-buy list.