Passport to happiness

The below is an entry for #FreshlyPolished by Ruby Estella.

Passport to happiness

Yesterday was the third consecutive day I haven’t looked at my ex-lover’s Twitter account. 

The first day of fighting back against the addiction of my social media stalking was Tuesday; quite a significant Tuesday, marking three months since he ended our affair, a quarter of a year lost to emptiness.

He wanted me to be happy, he said. He couldn’t make me happy, he said. He couldn’t give me what I needed, he said.

Among the many things I didn’t say in response, because I couldn’t trust myself to speak, was to question how the realisation of my single greatest fear – that he would choose between the two women in his life and I would be the one discarded – would make me happy, exactly? When I was only truly happy in his company; when the days without him were a life lived in monochrome.

The truth is that the end of the affair was more about messiness than happiness. Of the range of choices available to him, he opted for the one that was least messy, with less far-ranging consequences, with fewer people impacted. Far easier to end a relationship that nobody knows about than to complicate a world shared by mutual friends, argue about custody of the cocker spaniel and split a shared book collection.

His emotional pendulum had yet again swung to its furthest point from the passionate intensity that characterised our happiest moments together but which was inevitability followed by the emotional distance that accompanied his guilty phases.

It wasn’t the first time we parted. Each separation results in a further erosion of my self worth as I fail at life without him and he seems equally unable, or unwilling, to live a life without me.

Sooner or later one of us picks up the phone and summons the other’s presence or lies in wait at a familiar street corner anticipating the wordless embrace that sets the cycle anew. And then we begin again the most addictive phase of all when we use sex to convey the feelings we won’t speak aloud missed you so much will never hurt you again trust me different this time I love you I love I love you

Sometimes, it is he who initiates the phone call, conceding defeat. Come to me? Please? I make him wait while I choose how to give myself: slutty underwear to be torn away or am I inclined to tease him with bows and hooks? A dress I can lift over my arms revealing my eager nakedness or skinny jeans I command him to peel off before he’s permitted to fuck me? Other times, it’s me who lures him with a breathless phone call or a filthy text message and I wait, splayed naked on my kitchen table so he sees immediately my greedy cunt glistening and engorged in anticipation.

And this morning, three days after I last spied on his social media presence, my body’s aching for him becomes more than I am willing to bear. I choose to blink first. And so, as his 08.03 train pulls into the railway station, I wait just beyond the ticket barrier. I wear a purple shirt dress and high-heeled ankle boots for what I have in mind.

I open the top button on my dress to reveal a hint of bra lace.

He sees me. He bites his lip as he walks towards me and I recognise his hesitancy in this gesture. 

As he stands before me, I notice his eyes take in the curve of my breasts where I’ve unbuttoned my dress. He raises his hand, places two fingers on my shoulder and moves them cautiously, slowly, gently along my collarbone until he arrives at the central point under my neck, all the while his eyes fixed on mine. Then his fingers change direction and move, feathertouch soft, downward to the cleave of my breasts. The touch, although light, is everything – the sudden warmth of my pussy is followed almost immediately by glorious wetness.

We have not yet spoken. I take his hand in mine and lead him, fully compliant now, past the information desk, the ticket machines, the coffee franchise, till we reach the passport photo booth. I gesture with my eyes for him to go inside. I follow him in and pull the curtain between us and the morning’s commuters.

He sits on the stool and there’s barely any room, just enough for me to place a leg on either side of him. His hands reach up eagerly to touch my face but I push them down. It pains him to be forced to wait. With deliberate slowness, relishing his frustration, I tease each button of my dress open. Beyond the curtain is the flurry of places-to-be train travellers.

Only now do I lower myself down to sit astride him. He places his hands on my butt cheeks and pulls me towards him, banishing all space between our bodies.

I can feel the stiffness of his erection as he reaches again to touch my face. This time I don’t stop him. He kisses hard with an intensity borne of our three month separation, lips clumsily mashing mine, hands quick and rough over my face and my neck. We grasp and clutch inelegantly.

Finally, the first words whispered turn around and as I turn my back to him I hear the sound of his trousers unzipping. 

His hands pushing my thighs apart

His thumb between my legs, pushing my knickers to the side 

His cock inside me

Filling the emptiness

Me gasping

Shhhh

His hand over my mouth

My hands flat against the screen 

His balls slapping against me

His thrusts

Urgent and fast

Until he moans

And drops his head to my shoulder 

His grip on my hips loosens

His arms envelop me

He gently guides me round me so I’m facing him again. He fixes my dress into position and closes the buttons, lingering for a moment as he reaches the top button to place his lips against my breastbone.

He sits and pulls me down onto his lap. He looks around as though this is the first time he’s registered where we are. How does this thing work anyway? He pocket-rummages and finds coins; we pose playfully for photographs. As we emerge from behind our curtain and wait with exaggerated innocence for our passport photos, I put my mouth to his ear and whisper I can feel your come trickling down my thigh.

Today will be our perfect day. We will phone our excuses to work. We’ll spend the day in my bed kissing, laughing, tickling and teasing, flicking and fingering, sucking and fucking.

The recriminations and reproaches will come later, sometimes days later, sometimes weeks. Eventually, there’ll be an event – a birthday, perhaps – that pulls him back to the emotional responsibilities of his other life.

Then he will be lost to me again.

And I will have lost myself in love again. 

Cute as a button by @IAmAnnaSky

The below is an entry for #FreshlyPolished by @IAmAnnaSky.

Cute as a Button

The touch of her hand as she brushed mine made me look, but I dismissed any ideas as soon as I glanced up. The waitress was cute and contemporary, suited to the hipster coffee shop but not my type. But the prolonged contact between us, before she pulled away, intrigued me.

I reached out to catch her wrist and felt the flutter of her pulse against my fingers. She relaxed into my grip, seemed to welcome it. When I searched her face, her eyes told me a different story from the colourful, carnival veneer of ink on her forearms.

A look of relief flashed across her face when she recognised the facade of tattoos and piercings didn’t fool me. I knew she wasn’t invinvible. Her eyes told me she was vulnerable, wanted someone to love her, protect her, but make her feel alive. In that brief moment as our eyes connected, I wanted her. It made me feel something I’d not felt for a long time. An aching hunger in me rose.

I scribbled my number on the back of the receipt, left a tip and left, thinking I should forget her. But she stayed in my head. And later on, when my phone showed an unknown number calling, my hand shook as I answered. My hands never shake but somehow, this time they did. It was her.

She came over that night and allowed me to worship her. I laid her on my bed, tied her wrists and moved my mouth over every inch of her body. She moaned and writhed beneath me. And I kissed and sucked every inch of her, from her shoulders to her soft belly, to her sensitive inner thighs. I massaged her calves and insteps, feeling her unwind beneath my hands.

I kneaded her shoulder and her breasts. Pinched her nipples and watched the bursts of hurt transform into pleasure. Raking my nails up and down, I left angry red marks and then soothed them better. Pleasure. Pain. Pleasure. Pain. Until they were one and the same in her head.

And when she couldn’t bear any more, I lowered my mouth to her cunt, pinching and massaging her labia to hold her open as I tasted her over and over. I found her sweet spot and when she shuddered with need, I slipped two fingers inside her. All the while, moving my tongue in tight little circles over her swollen clit.

When I curved my fingers upwards, stroking in that come-hither motion, she came so hard. She contracted in desperate, squeezing motions around my fingers. I kept my mouth on her, my fingers steady, the aftershocks carrying her to somewhere else. A total release. And when she was fully sated, I held onto her, whispering I would keep her safe.

I wanted to make her feel safe; I really wanted her to stay. I felt alive, invincible. Something I’d not experienced in a long, long time. She’d awoken a need in me, one that I thought was long-buried. All I could do was hope.

#FreshlyPolished: The Entries

The full list of entries to my #FreshlyPolished competition. Entries will be added as and when they’re submitted. Closing date is January 20th, 2017. Enjoy!

  1. Coral Reef by @innocentlb
  2. Mint Candy Apple by @ella_scandal
  3. Barbados Blue by @hannahlockhardt
  4. In Stitches by @Kats_my_Name__
  5. Leading Lady by @mollysdailykiss
  6. Sexy Plunge by @His_Cub
  7. Frock ‘n Roll by @jillyboyd
  8. Cute as a Button by @IAmAnnaSky

#CharliesNaNoReMo


Even before I made my New Year’s Resolutions, I wanted to read more in 2017. In 2016, I read eighteen novels, this year I’m aiming for a minimum of twenty. And, to kickstart that, I plan to read five in January.

When I tweeted about this idea, I asked if anyone wanted to join me, and people were keen, so here are the details:

  • To join in, all you have to do is read five books (physical or digital) or listen to five audiobooks before the end of January.
  • It’s not a competition as such, so there are no prizes, but I may well send out chocolate and possibly other goodies to anyone who completes the challenge.
  • I will do my best to offer periodic encouragement and reminders via Twitter, using the hashtag #CharliesNaNoReMo.
  • If you want to take part, all you have to do is comment on this post, or let me know on Twitter, with a picture or list of the five books you’re planning to read.

Please do share this with your friends – the more the merrier – and let me know if you have any questions.

Charlie x

Freshly #Polished

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***UPDATE: The closing date has now been moved to 23:59 on January 20th, so you still have plenty of time to join in***

Remember Polished?

Well, seeing as I’m planning on making a comeback to blogging in 2017, it seemed like a good way to start that by bringing this back, too.

We exhausted my polish collection last time, so instead of my own collection, this competition will be based around the names of classic Essie nail polishes. It’s simple – if you want to enter, you drop me a DM (@sexblogofsorts), I’ll select a nail polish name for you at random and you write a piece of erotica using that nail polish name as a title. Sound familiar?

Depending on where you are in the world, and what you’d prefer, the prize will be a book token or Amazon voucher of equivalent value. In addition, I’ll donate £1 to Plan International’s ‘Because I am a girl’ project (up to a maximum of £30) for every story entered – and you can enter more than once.

If you’re tempted, here are …

… the Rules…

(1) Your story must be a piece of erotica and use the name of the nail polish allocated to you as, or as part of, the title. The more creative the story, the better.
(2) The post must (obviously) be your own work.
(3) There is no minimum length for posts, but they must be no longer than 1500 words.
(4) You may request more than one nail polish name and submit more than one story, but you must submit a story for every nail polish name you are allocated.
(5) You must post the piece on your own blog and link back to this post in order for your entry to be counted. If you’re having trouble with the link, DM me or drop me an email and I’ll add your post to the list of entries.
(6) If you don’t have a blog, but would like to enter, I’m happy to share your entry on Sex Blog (of Sorts).
(7) The competition closes at 23.59 GMT on Sunday, January 20th. Any entries submitted after this point will not be considered.
(8) You consent to me linking to your post in a list of all the entries once the competition has closed.
(9) Should you win, you are happy to share your email or mailing address with me for the purpose of sending your prize.
(10) The competition is open internationally.

If I’ve missed anything, or you have questions, please let me know…

Charlie xx

Christmas Gift Guide (of Sorts) 2016

Even when I’m not blogging (though I *do* plan to return in 2017), the annual SBOS Gift Guide has become a thing now. The format is simple – 30 things, in (theoretically) a variety of price brackets (although this year’s seems oddly pricey!) that I’d happily give and/or receive.

As with last year, if you have other great suggestions for gifts, especially from independent merchants, please leave them in the comments – I *love* discovering new stuff! Let me know too which items on here you particularly like – it helps me to plan next year’s!

1.Byredo Unnamed Eau de Parfum, £90
Byredo make gorgeous, gorgeous (expensive) fragrances, but the real joy of this is that it’s nameless until … you name it. Better still, you do that with the set of stickers that come with it in the Byredo font. By the end of 2017 I swear I will have bought this and called it ‘Blood, bruises and semen.’

byredo

2. Scheu… aber Geil Scheurebe 2015, £16.50
The downside to this is that the website describes it as ‘an undervalued German cross between Riesling and a mystery grape,’ which, given German wine’s reputation, doesn’t seem promising. But ‘Scheu… aber Geil’ means ‘Shy … but Horny,’ so this is the perfect gift for your crush. Plus, I’ve tried it and it’s really nice. Honest.

shybuthorny

3. Kawecko fountain pen, £17.99
Because who (especially writers) doesn’t want a cute fountain pen that still takes cartridges? Look, some of us miss being at school, okay?

kw40140-zzzkaweco-skyline-classic-sport-fountain-pen-mint_p1

Roald Dahl Rococo Chocolate Bar Bundle, £40
For someone who’s as much a sucker for beautiful packaging as they are for chocolate (i.e. me), these are perfect.

rococo

5. Dasher throw, £120
I was uncertain about putting what is essentially a blanket on the list, in case I seemed eighty years old, but when I mooted it on Twitter, people seemed very keen. So here it is.

1703069-dasher-throw

6. Sibling gin, £34
This is a) delicious b) beautifully packaged and c) perfect for that hard to buy for brother or sister.

sibling-gin-70cl-2

7. Cashmere blend fisherman rib jumper, £119
Because let’s be honest: who doesn’t love a man in snuggly knitwear? Plus, it’s as much a gift for you as it is for him…

cashmere-jumper

8. Subscription to BUST magazine, from $24.95
Everybody loves getting post that isn’t bills, but glossy magazines have got progressively worse and worse. BUST describes itself as a ‘groundbreaking, original women’s lifestyle magazine’ and has features on everything from craft to sex, as well as an erotic story. Prices start from $24.95 for a print subscription in the US, but international subscriptions are available.

bust-mag

9. Desire: 100 of Literature’s Sexiest Stories, £20
Personally, I love coffee table/reference books that tie in with my interests, and while I don’t care if they shock my mum, Desire is a nice way of acknowledging someone’s interest in sex writing in a way they can display in public without feeling embarrassed.

desire-stories

10. Upcycled wooden wine crate ottoman, from £165
If I had the space in my living room/kitchen/bedroom (and £165 to spare), I would definitely own one of these. Plus, it looks like it might be the perfect height to bend over…

ottoman

11. DIY gingerbread house kit, £35
Is this meant for children? Probably. Would I love to receive it nonetheless? Hell yes.

biscuiteers

12. Toothy shark, £20
Talking of things that are meant for children but I want … I have so much lust for this guy. One friend asked why he had legs when he’s a shark, but I don’t care why he has legs – I find his smile instantly cheers me.

shark

13. Feminist enamel lapel pin, £9.99
This is the perfect stocking filler for your BFF, your mum, your girlfriend, your wife. It’s just perfect, essentially.

feminist-pin

14. Get a room voucher, from £50
Gift vouchers, when presented beautifully, are no longer a gift you get when you don’t know what to get someone. In the case of these, they’re what you get someone who really wants/needs a (dirty) weekend away.

getaroom

15. Diptyque Scented candle la Madeleine, £55
I’m personally not a huge lover of scented candles, but this one really does smell like madeleines. In an ideal world, I think you’d buy it for someone bookish along with a copy of Proust’s In search of lost time.

scented-candle-madeleine

16. Concrete letters, from £4.50
Buying for a brutalism fan, or someone who has a kink for concrete? Buy them their name (or their safeword)…

concrete

17. Feather appliqué journal, £9.50
I sing the praises of the hardback notebook every year: they don’t fall apart and they’re easier to use when out and about. Plus, this Paperchase one is actually pretty good value.

feather-applique-journal

18. Tickets for a show at the Bunker, from £19.50
I think I’m right in saying the Bunker is London’s newest theatre, and it’s great for two reasons. 1) It shows thought-provoking, often feminist stuff 2) The bar stays open after the show and the cast tend to mingle, so you can discuss the performance with them. Combine this with a meal at the excellent Padella, which is right across the road.

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19. Simple cookbook, £20
I haven’t cooked from this yet, but I have asked for it for Christmas, and I would gladly own it for the cover image alone. Also, Diana Henry’s recipes tend to be failsafe.

simple
20. Book and a bottle, from £40
A book and a bottle is a subscription service run by Damian Barr, who also hosts excellent literary salons in London. For every month you subscribe, you get a gorgeously wrapped book and bottle of wine specially selected to match it.

bookandbottle

21. Multistripe boxers, £27
I’m not sure if it’s because pink is an unusual colour for men’s underwear, but I really, really like these. They make me sad that Paul Smith doesn’t also seem to make women’s underwear. If you buy them right as I hit publish on this post, they also seem to be 25% off at the moment, so just over £20.

paul-smith

22. Caged kite pendant necklace, £6
I saw someone wearing this on a writing workshop I did recently, and it was so pretty, I asked her where it was from, then went and bought one immediately. It looks much more expensive than it is, and as such, it’s the ideal secret santa gift.

caged-kite

23. Hot Dudes Reading Calendar 2017, £10.99
Another one that’s good for secret santa, although possibly more between friends than in the office…

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24. ‘I Can’t Even’ Collar Tag, £10
This was not the collar tag I intended to put on this list – I wanted to include the ‘Fur bae’ one but it’s currently sold out. Pretty certain your cat-loving friend would like all of these though.

cant-even

25. Liberty Navy Summer Bloom floral tie, £47.50
I love Liberty print and I love a man in a tie – what more is there to say? For people who like their ties more colourful than this, there are also lots of brighter Liberty prints available; for those who like them subtler, you can get the tie in plain charcoal with a print lining.

liberty-tie

26. The Very Hungry Caterpillar Socks, £8.99
When I first came across these, I was all ‘Oh, but why do kids get all the cool stuff?’ only to then spot that these come in (both men’s and women’s) ADULT SIZES. Want.

very_hungry_caterpillar_socks_1024x1024

27. Imposter print, $30
I have so many female friends who need to hear this, so I think it’s a great gift. If you want to give it framed, eBay has a huge selection of cheap frames to choose from. (Also, the spelling of ‘impostor’ is not wrong (I checked!), it’s just American…)

imposter_print

28. Arrow snood – mint, £30
I don’t do scarves, or anything that functions like I scarf, because I get too hot way too quickly. If I didn’t, I’d own this. Your scarf loving friend will probably adore it.

snood

29. Real luxury bath & shower drops, £40
It wouldn’t be a SBOS gift guide without some overpriced bath stuff. This year’s boasts the huge advantage of coming with a *pipette* so you don’t accidentally tip thirty quid’s worth of bath oil into one bath. I haven’t tried it yet, but the reviews seem super positive.

real-luxury-bath-drops-both

30. Tinsel Tits Christmas Jumper, £34.99
I don’t think I really need to explain why I think this is great.

tinsel-tits

All pictures are taken from sellers’ websites. No copyright infringement is intended. If you’d like a picture removing or crediting, please do get in touch.

Waitress

IMG_8964Northern France. August. Thirty one degrees and sunny. The town square laid out like the scene for a GCSE role play – charcutier, boulangerie, tabac, pharmacie – and barely any of it open for business.

‘Role play.’ The very words make her squirm, and he knows it. He is eyeing up the sign outside the shuttered bar, a busty blonde with cartoon blusher holding a board with holiday dates crudely chalked up on it.

‘Shame,’ he says. ‘I could just fancy a beer.’

They are staying in the hotel on the town square, just for a few days, and she can tell he’s itching to cause trouble. Trouble for her, that is.

She has a friend who likes the role play thing. Who frequently plays at being strangers with her boyfriend in the bars of top London hotels, only to fuck in a huge room, with a big bed, and an equally huge bill at the end of the evening. It sounds fine, she thinks, but it lacks the possibility of humiliation. Sadists trump strangers, in her opinion.

They head back to the room, and he rifles through her luggage. He finds a pink shirt, a short skirt. He lays them out on the bed. And then, without explanation, he disappears again, the heavy door slamming loudly shut behind him.

When he returns, he’s carrying a bag from the toyshop, which, inexplicably, *is* open, and a scuffed metal tray with a white cloth, two beers and two glasses. He makes her change into the shirt and skirt, without wearing a vest underneath, as she usually would. Her tits strain against buttons unused to containing them. The bag contains a plastic, jewelled tiara, meant for a little girl. She fights the urge to giggle.

He puts her hair up himself, pulling it tight before he secures it with an elastic, a promise of good things to come. Her NARS orgasm blusher, though, serves his intentions poorly – he cannot rouge her up in quite the cartoon style he’d like, but he does his best, and when she sees herself in the mirror she is duly amused and horrified in equal measure, because she suspects this spectacle won’t be confined to their room.

He fashions a makeshift apron from the cloth on the tray, asks her to step into the highest heels she’s brought with her and says, ‘J’aimerais deux bières au square, s’il vous plaît, mademoiselle.’

His French is good, but she has to force herself not to laugh at his accent. He’s not, she reminds herself, the one who’s supposed to be being humiliated here.

She gives him enough time to get downstairs and settle himself in. To be totally honest, she needs the time to psych herself up. She goes to the window, and looks out, trying to calculate the worst case scenario. There are very few people around, and from this angle she cannot she the tables where he’ll be sitting, but she can see an old man with a little dog, who she fears will wave his stick and shout at her only to then fantasise about her for weeks.

The stairs, narrow and winding, are tricky. The combination of the tray, which means she can’t see her feet, and the heels, make her anxious. But she makes it safely down, and is rewarded with a mercifully empty bar.

In the square, it takes her a while. She is looking for a single guy, but what she finds is a man – her man – sitting with a pretty blonde. She freezes. He beckons her over. He takes the beers, puts a 10 euro note on the tray. The girl he’s with looks bemused. She glances up. The old man looks away, pained.

And she scurries back up to the room, where she will wait, alone, for almost two hours, wondering if they are still just playing.

 

 

Sex and disability – Eroticon 2016

As I said in this post, I promised a long while back that I would put my Eroticon slides up here, for the benefit of people who weren’t able to attend, as well as those who want to refer back to them for any reason.

The slides can be accessed by clicking on the link below, and the bullet points underneath summarise what I said in the session. Below that, you’ll find the reading list I handed out, a TED talk I think everyone should watch, and below that, two posts that I know were written after my session. If anyone else has written anything disability related as a result of my session, or if you choose to have a go at the exercise at the end of the presentation, please do let me know and I’ll link your piece up to this post, if you’d like me to.

Session notes and slides

Sex and disability – Eroticon 2016

  • Start by trying to identify what the author is trying to say about disabled people in each of the books/films on slide 2. The answers are on slide 3. All of these are ways in which disabled people have historically been portrayed in fiction which should now be avoided.
  • Look at the TED talks on slide 4. All, with the exception of ‘I’m not your inspiration, thank you very much,’ have the keywords inspiringfascinating, courageous, beautiful. These are the words able-bodied people tend to associate with disability – but ‘inspiration porn’ is just as damaging as any of the old-fashioned stereotypes, because it treats disabled people as examples, not as people.
  • Slide 6 shows why The Theory of Everything is a great example of how to write disability (although it’s important to be aware that some disabled people object to the use of an able-bodied actor to play Hawking). Stephen Hawking has more than one challenge in his life – the conflict in the story centres not only around his disability, but also his relationship and job. i wrote about the film in more detail here.
  • Don’t be tempted to make disability the character arc in your novel – very few disabled people do get cured, or end their lives, or completely come to terms with their body in the space of the time period covered by a novel or short story. Make disability part of their character, but not a part that necessarily has to be resolved or changed. Give them a plot other than their disability.
  • Slide 11 is the intro to a writing exercise using this amazing Girl on the Net guest post as a prompt. Look at how in the post intro, Girl on the Net doesn’t focus on the disability at all – the writer is disabled, but the focus is the lift, the snogging, the botanical gardens. Do any of these things inspire you? Can you take the post as a starting point and flesh it out to make it a full length short story or piece of flash fiction with a plot arc, rather than a vignette, as per the original post?

Recommended reading

10 Things Fiction Writers Need to Remember About Disability (1-5) http://blobolobolob.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/10-things-fiction-writers-need-to.html

10 Things Fiction Writers Need to Remember About Disability (6-10) http://blobolobolob.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/10-things-fiction-writers-need-to_10.html

Dear able-bodied partner…
http://www.autostraddle.com/dear-able-bodied-partner-331837/

Disabled gentleman
http://rebelsnotes.com/2015/06/disabled-gentleman/

Every body: glamour, dateability, sexuality & disability | Dr. Danielle Sheypuk | TEDxBarnardCollege
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7PwvGfs6Pok&feature=youtu.be

Getting it wrong – writing disability in fiction
http://visibilityfiction.com/getting-it-wrong-writing-about-disability-in-fiction/

I am not here to inspire you
http://starsandspirals.co.uk/not-your-inspiration/

Kaufman, M, Silverberg, C, and Odette, F. The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability: For All of Us Who Live with Disabilities, Chronic Pain, and Illness, Cleis, 2007

Kink praxis
https://xanwest.wordpress.com

Know me where it hurts: sex, kink, and cerebral palsy
http://www.autostraddle.com/know-me-where-it-hurts-kink-cerebral-palsy-226077/

Leandra Vane – disability & sex stigma
http://www.hotoctopuss.com/guest-blog-leandra-vane-on-disability-and-sex-stigma/

Moving beyond the stereotypes
https://feministphilosophers.wordpress.com/2012/07/09/moving-beyond-the-stereotypes/

Silent stares and rude questions: the disability minefield
https://ninachildish.wordpress.com/2015/04/15/silent-stares-and-rude-questions-the-disability-minefield/

Why we have to create more disabled characters in children’s fiction (yes, it’s about children’s fiction, but the advice at the end applies more widely)
http://www.theguardian.com/childrens-books-site/2015/dec/08/why-we-have-to-create-more-disabled-characters-in-childrens-fiction

Writing the Other
http://meloukhia.net/2012/06/writing_the_other/

Stella Young: I’m not your inspiration, thank you very much


Posts inspired by the session

Unusual Liaison – Rachel Kincaid
http://rachelkincaid4.blogspot.fr/2016/05/unusual-liaison.html 

Disability and sexuality – writers we love: Hot Octopuss
https://www.hotoctopuss.com/disability-and-sexuality-writers-we-love

On the paralympics and inspiration porn

A month or so a go, I noticed that Sainsbury’s was stocking mini eggs again. ‘Oh good,’ I thought (even though I bloody love a mini egg), ‘We’ve finally lost it completely. Easter now starts in July.’

It doesn’t. Instead, Cadbury have launched the dubiously named Wini eggs in honour of the Paralympic Games, which, if it wasn’t for chocolate, might pretty much have passed me by.

Except they wouldn’t, obviously, because even though I have no interest in sport, I fully expect that in September, bullshit like this:

and this:

will be replaced by bullshit like this (also, why is the ‘F’ in ‘firmly’ and ‘B’ in ‘believe’ capitalised? You can’t emphasise something just by capitalising the first letter of random words!):

disability

Being part of a body- and sex-positive community is great. It means that most of the stuff above gets called out, retweeted, mocked, and generally shown to be not okay. I can’t help but feel that the same is not true when it comes ableism, which, believe me, you will see in spades once the paralympics start.

In May, after Eroticon, I promised that I would put my slides up here if people wanted to see them. Several people said they did, but I completely forgot, and so now I want to do a deal. I will put the slides up here, along with a brief summary of what I said, a video everybody should watch and a couple of great posts written by people who came to my session. In return, whether you’re able-bodied or not, please don’t mindlessly retweet inspiration porn during the games. It is perfectly okay to be inspired by disabled athletes, and it would be perfectly fine to tweet something like the below about an athlete whether they were disabled or not.

What’s not okay is the following:

a) Isn’t that person amazing for someone with a disability? (No, they’re amazing full stop)

b) Wow, if that person can do that even though they have a disability, I can definitely make a sandwich/go to the gym/ask that guy out/do couch to 5k (No, this is not about you and your life, it’s about them and their achievements)

In fact, go one better than not retweeting it. Flag it up. Make it known it’s ableist as fuck. The disabled community does this all the time. It’s exhausting and emotionally draining, and it takes a lot out of people. Like it or not, the able-bodied community is bigger and better able to make itself heard. So support us, and respond to this just as you would homophobia or sexism.

Please.

I’ll put the Eroticon stuff here.

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