If you talk about something enough, people start to think you actually know something about it. Which, of course, is not true. I could talk at length about the geography of Europe or the different species of animals in the Lion King, but actually, I’m pretty ill-informed on both.
The same is true of sex. I’ve had much less than most of the friends I talk about it with, so it’s strange that they nonetheless sometimes come to me for advice. I wonder occasionally if it’s because I’ve somehow cast myself I the role of big sister – at uni I was one of only a couple of girls on my corridor who took a gap year, so suddenly I went from being the youngest in my year group to being the oldest. Not that that meant more mature. Who set fire to the toaster at 3am and ended up greeting the fire brigade? Yep, that was me.
And yet, for some reason, some of my friends buy in to the ‘fake grown up’ persona I put on. A friend and I were driving somewhere once and she appeared to have no petrol in her tank. I told her she’d be fine – that petrol gauges lie, that she’d be sure to find a petrol station on the outskirts of the city. As it happened, all of the above was true, but due to luck rather than anything else. I know this because I often tell myself the same story and I have run out of petrol. Twice.
Same friend asked me over dinner the other day about female ejaculation. This first happened to me a year or so ago, and I probably mentioned it to her in passing then – in shock and horror rather than smug glee.
‘What is it, though?’ she asked. ‘And when does it happen?’
I still don’t know the answer to the first question. I could Wikipedia it I guess, but I’m honestly not that curious. Mostly because I found it slightly mortifying and I now do everything I can to make sure it doesn’t happen again, so I’m hardly well-equipped to answer her question.
Because there are certain positions that seem to almost guarantee that that will be the outcome. Put my legs over your shoulders and thrust hard against my G-spot and I’ll get twenty times wetter than I do normally. Keep at it and eventually it seems that I’ll squirt hard enough to soak you, me, the bed and any items of clothing I’m still wearing. And then I’ll be slightly mortified.
Is this just me? Do other girls do this often too? Are there certain positions that make it happen for you? Do you like it? And if I give you my friend’s number, are you happy to talk her through it?