So, you know how on Thursday I blogged about consent? Well, someone emailed me and asked if they could write an anonymous post inspired by some of the issues it raised, and obviously I thought, Hell yeah. And then, when I read it for the first time, I thought hell yeah even more.
It’s especially interesting to me because it’s about the exact same thing I was thinking of when I was thinking about the things I’ve always been keen to try but that I wouldn’t be that comfortable talking about. Anyway, that’s enough preamble, so here’s the main event:
It’s about 3am.I’m in bed.I’m not alone.I met a boy, you see. And we end up going home together.If I’m honest it’s been heading that way for a while, months even, despite my protests to the contrary.Anyway, I think we’ve been in varying states of undress and kissing and blow-jobs for at least a couple of hours, more even. It’s one of those nights that’s a bit of a sexual smorgasbord.But my really hot moment, the moment that I remember vividly, the moment that I think about for weeks afterwards (usually first thing in the morning, and last thing at night with my hand against my clit) goes like this:-I’m on all fours, and he’s shagging me from behind, when he pauses. I wondering what he’s up to (why has he stopped!), when I feel him pressing his cock against my anus.It’s important to note at this point, that we are not well established lovers. This is our first time. We don’t really know each, still. We don’t know what the other likes or dislikes. We’ve not really discussed it. We’ve never mentioned anal. He has no idea whether I like that sort of thing or not, whether it’s the sort of thing I’d be into. And I can guarantee you I probably don’t seem the type.Weirdly, I don’t freak out about this. At all. In fact I keep quite still while my brain catches up with what my body is up to. I let him, I press back against him even, so that he can. And he does. It feels good, right even.That moment is up there in my Top Five Most Erotic Moments. Ever.Just that moment when we both pause, and he’s probably wondering whether I am going to go with this or not, and then I give him what he wants, because I want it too.(I’m concentrating very hard on writing this blog, otherwise I may get – ahem – distracted by reminiscing and never finish it.)Afterwards I comment to him that it was a risky manoeuvre. I have a friend of a friend who this happened to, who was not expecting anal, and didn’t want it, and she did freak out, and it ruined the whole thing. He agrees it was risky.And this is where the consent issue gets interesting.As I’ve mentioned, we’ve never discussed bumsex (it’s a silly name, but anal seems so formal), and I don’t think it’s really a standard part of most people’s sexual repertoire, it’s not something you would expect as a ‘given’. It could have gone so very, very wrong. What possessed him to even go there, I’ll never know. But he knew I was consenting. Not because I said so, but because of how my body reacted to him, that moment where I stay still and press back against him. And I also know that if there had been any indication from me at all that I wasn’t comfortable he would have stopped immediately.But I think part of what made it so hot, was, in fact, the surprise element. The fact that he tried something I potentially was going to say no to, and I let him.It’s all very well to say you should discuss limits and likes and dislikes, and I do agree with that, but perhaps it’s just as important to read body language, all these little signals, and be attuned to whether your partner is really getting off.Because you don’t want to miss out on those surprise moments. Those surprise moments are pretty damn hot.Anyway, must dash now……distracted, moi?