I hit my NaNoWriMo target wordcount today, so even though I’m already a fair way behind where I should be at this point in the month, I’m rewarding myself by writing a blog post. (Yes, you’re correct, it’s weird to reward yourself for writing by writing.)

I’m having a first stab at erotica for this year’s NaNo, which means I’m writing with a huge stack of inspirational erotica on my coffee table at all times. Now, while I understand that the mark of great erotica is whether it can maintain the feeling of sexiness even outside of the sex scenes, I realised recently that in my head is a catalogue of my favourite lines and that when I’m horny I’ll zone in on one of these lines and that’ll be the book I pick up.

There are only a handful of books that I go back to time and time again, which makes the next bit easier. Here’s a countdown of my top five lines from erotica collection. Let me know in the comments which is your favourite, either from the ones I have here, or from your personal collection.

#5

‘Her legs were shaky, and she was bothered by the ink stains on the sheets. She imagined the words printed backward on the cotton, entertainment for the chambermaids. Fuck me hard, please, I can’t stand it, I need your cock, please, oh god, please, and do you think that will come out with Dreft?”

Kristina Lloyd, ‘No Sleep,’ Bound by Lust

I love this because it conflict between need and shame so well and because the idea of someone else finding out about your deepest desires because they’re printed on the bed sheets is just so hot.

#4

‘I was still helpless with pleasure, gasping, my cheek pressed against the cold, dirty floor of the minibus.’

Karen S. Smith, Wedding Games

More humiliation, more letting people see your darkest desires – although in this case the narrator is actually being watched by a whole group of guys, all of whom she’s fucked in turn. There’s something about the idea of being fucked somewhere dirty and public that really gets me off. I guess it might have something to do with this.

#3

‘After a few more well-placed thrusts, another orgasm powered though her and he simultaneously growled ‘Fucking hell‘ before rapidly pulling out and ejaculating over her stomach, rivulets of semen running down her sides from the overflowing pool in her navel.’

Pom Pom Paradise, ‘Breaking the Rules,’ In Bed With

This was taken from a collection of short stories by well-known chick lit authors writing erotica under their porn names. The more I read it, the more I see the faults – isn’t it convenient, for example, that he ejaculates exactly into her navel? That said, the story as a whole, of a woman letting herself get picked up by someone else’s husband in a bar and letting things so further than she intends, really turns me on, so I’m willing to turn a blind eye to the things that niggle.

#2

‘”There’s my slutty little girl. Get her all worked up and then …” He nips my ear, pinches me again, thrusting harder. “And then you fuck her up the ass.”‘

Sommer Marsden, ‘Smokehouse,’ Smart Ass

Oh, oh, this is just the most incredible line of dialogue. The name calling, the way the dialogue is split to increase the anticipation, the promise of what’s to come, god, it’s just so good.

#1

‘When I came, uttering shrill little breaths, he quickly followed suit. ‘Jee – fuck, fuck,’ he said in a low spittly voice, and I was so gratified and turned on to hear his capitulation that even now I masturbate to its echo.’

Kristina Lloyd, Split

Not much to say about this except: me too, Kate, me too.