Just missionary: why *anyone* can write a sex blog

It looks like I had it all planned out, doesn’t it? I think I’ve even gone so far as to claim in an earlier post that the whole ‘(of sorts)’ thing was designed to let me write about anything I wanted because I don’t believe that there’s any reason to split blogs into strict genres. It’s almost believable.

Except it’s actually bullshit. The real reason I tagged the qualifying bit on the end is that I’m so clearly *not* a sex blogger – six sexual partners, five of them for one night only, a fear of receiving oral, a flirtation with a d/s dynamic that wasn’t even a thing when I started writing SBOS – I wanted to write about sex, but I didn’t think anyone would take me seriously.

Where am I going with this? Well, I read this post by Girl on the Net earlier and started thinking about which of my posts get the highest hit rate or number of retweets. It’s harder for me to tell than her – the majority of my posts have similar figures – but without a doubt, two types of posts get retweeted more than others. The sex ones and the ones in which I write about my relationship with my body.

But you’re not reading me for the filth. The sex I have, d/s dynamic or not, is pretty vanilla. My love life is a car crash, but I hope you’re not reading me for that reason, either. I hope you’re reading me because you can relate. I hope you’re reading me because I try to capture the mundanities and the day-to-day dramas of my life as much as I do the ‘Wow!’ moments.

One thing I’ve learned in the course of blogging is that I don’t want to document all the sex I have, and certainly not in public. Generally I’ll write about sex for one of two reasons: because a particular detail is haunting me, or because I’ve learned something about myself. If I wrote about every sexual encounter, it would leave you cold. Fucking can be as dull to read about as anything else.

If Girl on the Net gets the urge to do any more stats analysis, I’d be really interested to know how the posts about her relationship stack up against the really filthy ones on throat fucking and the like. Because I’m a fan of both but it tends to be the ones about navigating the realities of life with her partner (including the sex they have) that stay with me the longest. And again, not because my reality is in any way similar, but because I’d rather there was one cock, one cunt and an insight into the emotional dynamics behind the sex than three cocks, tits everywhere and a face covered in jizz at the end of the post.

If it sounds like I’m slagging off posts about the kind of sex acts the majority of us might never try, I’m really not. Hell, I’d never have stood in uncomfortably damp knickers in the queue for security at Gatwick if it hadn’t been for this post. It’s just that I wish there were more sex blogs out there and I wonder if what puts people off is not just the thought of putting the most intimate aspects of their lives out there for the world to read about, but the fact that they don’t think they’re having the right kind of sex for a sex blog.

There’s no kind of right sex for a sex blog. If you want to write about it, there’s a good chance I’ll want to read about it. Even if it’s just missionary.

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7 thoughts on “Just missionary: why *anyone* can write a sex blog

  1. I very rarely write about the sex I have, and if I do it’s more a tiny anecdote thrown in amongst the emotive to add context as to why I was feeling as I was. My highest views are usually my Sinful Sunday posts, I guess people prefer the pics to my words, which is ok, I write primarily for me and rarely pimp the blog other than notifying via twitter when I post something new.

    x

  2. It’s great to get a buzz from reading ‘filth’ but I get much more pleasure from reading about people’s thoughts and feelings, and triumphs and struggles. I find it really heartwarming.

  3. TL;DR ahead –

    First off, it doesn’t at all sound like you’re trying to slag off the kind of sex acts “most of us would never try”. LIke you, most of the sex I have myself is pretty vanilla – it’s that which works best for me and my sexual tastes – and yet I don’t feel as if I’m not having the right kind of sex to write a sex blog. I’ve long held the belief that sex blog doesn’t have to equal BD/SM blor, or kink blog, or the like: there are many out there, but that doesn’t mean every blog has to be so.

    I think it’s even a little damaging to assume every sex blog has to be so, as that puts everyone into a box – the same box – so that Average Joe will be reading and come over all “LOL, kinsters!” and Miss Kinky will be like “MOAR SPANKING!!!1” and nobody will ever be satisfied with the stuff we write. We’ll never win!

    I’m with you on the one cock, one cunt and an insight into emotional dynamics behind the sex thing, too. This the reason why I get quite bored quickly with (hardcore) porn – there’s no backstory. I want to know who‘s having sex, why they’re having sex (plus where and when). I know how sex works, I’ve had sex. I want to know more about the people, and a written sex blog gives a lot more scope for that.

    I read your blog for no reason other than it’s incredibly well-written and I love the stuff you write and the way you write it.

    And it’s never just missionary. Missionary is awesome!

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