Cautious as I am, I tend to view adrenaline with a wary eye. I associate it so closely with anxiety that I often forget about its more life-affirming qualities.

For the last 6 weeks or so, I’ve been doing a teacher-training course on top of my usual job. Truth be told, before it started I’d been dreading it. I didn’t fancy the 4 hour round commute into London and back, nor was I looking forward to standing up in front of fifteen adults or being observed.

But the reality has surprised me. Yes, it’s stressful. Yes, it’s exhausting. What I really wasn’t expecting, though, is how goddamn alive I feel after delivering a successful lesson.

It reminds me of sex, especially the first time you fuck someone new.

The first time I fucked the boy has stuck with me. Was I nervous? Hell, yes. I lost 4lb in the run up to our 3rd date – it’d been so long since I’d slept with a guy that I couldn’t eat for nerves. I remember that it was a gorgeous, gorgeous afternoon and that I was planning to have a glass of wine to try and disguise the fact that my heart was racing and I was shit-scared of what we were about to do. Shit-scared, but y’know, giddy with excitement all at the same time.

I never got that drink. He rocked up early and somehow bypassed the buzzer on the front door, and then all my reservations, too.

And every time I get that adrenaline spike from teaching it reminds me of getting naked with him that day: the promise of fumbling fingers on his belt, of unsnapping his button fly, of watching his cock spring free from his boxers…

Sometimes the fear is worth it.

5 thoughts on “Adrenaline

  1. Agree with every word of this. All the stuff I’ve ‘got up to’, I’ve been terrified beforehand, but every experience has been worth it (even the mortifying ones!). It’s always worth it in some way, even if just a funny pub story to tell your friends 🙂

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